Memories

In a few short days, the year of mourning for my Dad will be over.  So many memories and emotions are flooding back to me.  I recently found two of my brief journal entries during his last year of life, as I watched his physical decline.

A full year before he died on February 16, 2009 I wrote:  

Make it go away, this sense of torment and grief. I don't know where to put myself or what to do with it all. It is too huge.  I am raw.


Then on March 1, 2009 I wrote:  
First driving was taken away from him, now walking. How do we cope with these things?  The driving ban came after his heart surgery about 10 years before he died. The rehab center at the time gave us a pamphlet to read about seniors not driving, which was meant to metaphorically hold the family's collective hand through the process.  There is no one now, holding anyone's hand.  Harsh reality that my Dad will never walk again. 

Dad and me in Atlantic City, 1963

And now a year after Dad's death, a pretty profound thought has occurred to me and it has given me so much relief, and dare I say even joy?  I have come to realize that his death has given me something pretty amazing:   in my memories we can be any age I want us to be.  That is really cool! Not being in real time is one advantage of death, a small consolation....


So I am floating in and out of decades, months and minutes.  I'm a little girl in some, a teenager or grown woman in others.  Watching as my entire life with Dad floats in and out of sweet and tender memories ....  


I am blessed and grateful!  I learned that from you, Daddy.  Thank you. 

The Kabbalah of Snow

"It says in the Zohar that snow is beneficial to both spirit and matter, body and soul of the human being.  When it snows it means that there is an element of Divine energy being bestowed upon us from heaven.  It blankets the earth and allows us to experience, if we're open to it, a higher form of wisdom.

Snow is the concept of explaining knowledge in metaphor.  Its cosmic significance is this:  To understand the process of how G-d created the universe, G-d could not allow the borders of divinity and spirituality to just flow ceasefully and annihilate the boundaries of existence.  G-d had to contain it, and the way He contained it is reflected in snow.  

The mystique of snow is precisely because of its dual quality of heaven meeting earth, water meeting land. Next time you look at the snowflakes gently dropping from heaven, blanketing earth in its white embrace, remember that you are witnessing a kiss-the kiss of the Divine and the mundane." 

~Rabbi Simon Jacobson 

Balance

Last June I attended a conference given by psychologist Dr. Daniel Siegel and neuroscientist Dr. Norman Doige.  It was an amazing conference, and I learned so much from those two brilliant minds.  One of the things they discussed, that I am still processing all these months later, was the concept of balance.

They showed a movie featuring a woman who had lost her balance, literally.  She had some sort of neurological problem that impaired her sense of balance.  She could barely hold up her head.  She kept wobbling forward.  So frightening to watch, but the good news was that the movie highlighted the successful brain treatment that helped her regain her physical balance.  What a relief that was, and not just for her!

In our fast-paced culture where frenetic seems to be the speed of choice, what would it take (short of brain treatment), to help us regain balance?  I think we take our metaphoric balance for granted.  Watching that women lose her physical balance was startling, yet we challenge our sense of balance nearly everyday with our over scheduling and overachieving mentality.   Multi-tasking is not only expected of us, but it is lauded.  The better you mulit-task the more accolades you will receive, certainly in the work place.

In my opinion, though, I think we are short changing ourselves.   I think we try too hard to juggle our lives.

I think the trick is to find the balance. It is right there, waiting for us in each moment.

Authenticity

‎"Our lives improve only when we take chances - 

and the first and most difficult risk we can take is 

to be honest with ourselves."
~Walter Anderson

Brene Brown, social worker/researcher, has devoted her career to studying shame.  Her focus has been on how shame works, why it is so debilitating and how we develop shame resilience.  As she researched these issues, she found that she was being pulled to answer deeper questions like:  -What truly important experiences, emotions, or qualities are we missing when we don't understand shame or when we don't develop shame resilience?  and -How do our lives change when we stop living in shame, fear, and disconnection, and start living with courage, compassion and connection?

What emerged for Brown, as a result of asking these questions, was the idea that our deepest search is for a life lived with three elements:  1. authenticity  2. love/belonging  and 3. a resilient spirit.  She coined the term "WholeHearted living", for this honest way of living.  

Brown says that choosing authenticity means taking these actions:

• cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable
• exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and are connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit
• nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are

Authenticity, according to Brown, demands "WholeHearted living" and loving-even when it's hard, when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it.  

Pretty potent and powerful stuff, don't you think?

Self-Reflection and Brilliance

As an educator, self-reflection is at the core of my work.  I wholeheartedly agree with Parker Palmer who says "we teach who we are".


Being self-reflective has huge ramifications for the field of education.  It is my mission to help teachers learn techniques to be more in touch with who they are because, in my opinion, that is the foundation of great education.

But self-reflection isn't just for teachers.  I believe being self-reflective is available to everyone, but I have found that it comes more easily to some. I think self-reflection is about having an aware awareness, an ability to listen inward. I like to say:  Listen to yourselves so you can truly listen to others.  I believe that it is only when you can truly listen to yourself that you can truly be present to hear others.  Self-reflection, while it is self-directed, is by no means being selfish, just the opposite.  The paradox is that the more you self-reflect the less you have to think about yourself.  Funny how that works.


 There are so many benefits to looking inward and reflecting on one's life.  It takes courage and trust.   An honest look inward might feel daunting at first.  Or even frightening.  What if I don't like what I see?  What if I will have to make changes, adjustments?  But the benefits are far worth the concerns because I feel there is a hidden treasure in each of us, an inner brilliance, just waiting to be discovered and this discovery is the reward of being self-reflective.


When we are in touch with that brilliance we know how to allow it to radiate.


How are you brilliant?

Amazement, Enchantment, and Elegance

The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious.  It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.  

He who knows it not and can no longer wonder, no longer feel amazement, 

is as good as dead, a snuffed-out candle.  

~Albert Einstein

Recently words like amazement, enchantment, and elegance have been filling my mind.  I'm loving these words and I say them over and over again, almost mantra-like:

  

Amazement ~ Enchantment ~ Elegance

I like how Einstein puts amazement into the category of the mysterious.   This really resonates with me.  I like the thought of being mysteriously amazed and enchanted.


In his book, In Pursuit of Elegance, Matthew May says that elegance is that missing piece in situations that otherwise would be easily understood.  He says that an elegant solution is in a class all its own.  What sets it apart is the unique combination of surprising power and uncommon simplicity and that elegance entails achieving far more with much less when faced with a complex problem.  He says that no matter how much we pursue it, elegance is an elusive target, difficult to decode and that's why it's rare.  Experiencing elegance is always profound, he says, with it giving us pause, often evoking "of course".  U.S. Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes said that to find elegance you must appreciate, embrace then travel beyond complexity. 


These three words are beyond complexity, simple yet not simplistic.  They are magical and I like putting them all together.  What do you think?